


Damned black rose

by GwenCassandra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Flash Fic, Gen, Introspection, Melancholy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 13:10:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwenCassandra/pseuds/GwenCassandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus would give is life to feel that illusion again. Just for one day, just for one moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damned black rose

Keep breathing. That's all he could think. Just  _keep breathing.  
  
_ Remus Lupin had no other thoughts in his mind, that night - standing still in the middle of a London street. His arms were crossed against his chest, his hands were cluthcing the heavy cloth of his cloak - looking for that little amount of warm that he needed to feel something again.  
He had been in that position for almost one hour now: he stopped, suddenly, when a strange feeling hit his stomach. Just for a few seconds, slipped through his mind old and worn images - maybe from a distant past. He could feel all his cells streching and creeching to reach those images.   
That feeling, that sudden rush towards something that didn't exist made his heart speeding, he wasn't able anymore to distinguish every single beat. When he recognized those images, he just stopped breathing. It didn't matter how hard he was trying, he just wasn't able anymore to let the air get to his lungs.  
They were from his past, from his present and his future... all of them with a single, macabre, sick caption: _monster._

During his life, he did nothing but thinking about himself as a monster. Even in that moment, wrapped in his cloack, in the cold wind, he just couldn't think about himiself otherwise.   
 _A black rose in a bouquet of red roses._

__  
Tonks was pregnant. They're love would have created another monster, another damned rose. That thought, the awareness of locking his own child in his same room of shame and desperation was killing him.  
He should have built a wall between himself and the others.   
He wanted to die and that thought made him feel even more cursed and fouler.   
  
But there was a time, a place where everything was different.   
School, the Marauders...  
  
"We're all going to be Animagus".  
  
He gritted his teeth and focused on the images from his past: they were the only images worthy of his attention. 

He would give his own life to go back, to hear those voices again.   
He would give his own life to feel that illusion again.   
  
James, Sirius, Peter... They were the key for his freedom. A key that was lost: too far away to feel that hope again. 

The images of his past, of his illusion ran through his mind like crazy flashes. 

That night, in the cold wind, he would give his own life to feel that way again:  _a black rose in a bouquet of beautiful black roses._


End file.
